Sometimes I just want to say…

Look. I get it. I know what’s going on.

I’m a smart person.

That makes….dumb decisions.

I know that I’m smart. I know that I SHOULD have the capability to process the decisions that I make and their consequences. To think about things before I do them. Say them. Feel them. Act on them. Not….act on them.

I realize that you look at me and say, “she’s a smart girl…” and then your voice kinda trails off a little bit and you don’t quite know how to finish it.

I wish I could just tell you that, some of the things I do, I literally just have to do them. Some of the things I feel, I just have to feel them. Some of the things I think, I just have to think them. It’s just….it’s what I have to do.

And I wish that I could reassure you of all of the things you think that aren’t true at all. I wish I could make you believe what I believe. 

If I’ve learned anything. Anything.

It’s that, it’s going to be okay.

But I don’t know how I expect you to believe that.